Shattered
by C.Watherston
Summary: A moment that should have been different.


"Inara...I ain't looking for anythin' from you...I'm just, ah...I'm just feelin' kinda...truthsome, right now..." he tried for a chuckle, but it was harsh and strangled in his throat- "Life's just too short for if's and maybe's..."

Inara took a breath. The situation hummed with tension, soft and building.

"I learned something from Nandi. Not just from what happened, but from _her. _The family she made, the strength of her love for them, it's what kept them together. When you live, with that kind of strength...you get tied to it. You can't break away, and you never want to. There's something...there's something I should have done, a long while ago...and I'm sorry, for both of us that it took me this long..."

Their gazes met. The sparks flew.

"_I'm leaving" _

_She couldn't handle this. Couldn't handle being this close, being tied to it, unable to break away and never wanting to. It wasn't in her plans, not what she wanted for herself. She wanted to be a Companion, to train others, to be High Priestess..._

_That was what she wanted, wasn't it? Then why did she leave? Why was she ever, in the first place, in the position of falling head-over-heels in love with this scruffy, Rim-born, exasperating, irritating, and reckless Independent pirate?_

He looked into her eyes, saw a hard decision being formed, and saw pain and conflict.

"_I'm leaving"_

The words were there, clear and cut as freshly broken glass. The shards shattered like his heart, cutting him, bleeding him. It was the conflict he seized, the uncertainty.

_Kiss her. Kiss her right now! _

There was her breath, sweet and soft, on his face, her eyes, so dark and brilliant, drinking him in, drowning him in their endless black depths. Her skin, soft and warm and sweet-smelling, right there for him to touch. She was so...

"I'm leaving"

There they were. A moment sooner and they wouldn't have come. Probably. The words he couldn't stop. The words that sliced the link between them like a splinter of broken glass. She whirled as the tears flooded her eyes and her heels clicked on the metal beneath them. He stood, immobile, broken, in agony, unable to shift or cry out, and watched her walk away from him.

_No! Kiss her! Don't you let her do this, Malcolm Reynolds you gorram coward! _

"Inara..."

She paused for a split second at the door of the shuttle, her shoulder shivering with the suppressed tears. His feet carried him with speed his mind could not order them too, as it reeled and tried to catch up.

_What the hell are you doing? She's leaving, she said she's leaving, you can't handle it, you're not good enough for her, she's chosen her path, choose yours man! Stick to it! _

"Don't. Don't leave"

Her pert little mouth opened and closed as the tears continued to stream down her cheeks. He was shaking, his whole being reeling from the shock and the regret and the _emotion_.

"Don't leave me, Inara. Stay with..."

They were locked together with a spider's silk; oh so fragile, oh so soft.

_Say it Mal, say it, say it, say it _her eyes begged him.

"Stay with me"

The shudder as his words struck her rattled her whole body.

"I...I can't...I shouldn't..."

"_Stay with me_" he breathed, her heady scent filling his lungs, drowning his soul. When did he put his arms around her? When did she move into him, linking their bodies together like his missing piece? His other half...

"I can't...you're _you_ and I'm...I am not...I'm"

"Gorram it, 'Nara, _I need you_. Alright? I said it! I need ya, here, with me, arguing with me, being all high and mighty and too gorram beautiful for me to handle! _I need you_!"

His words choked him, strangled in his throat as he fought the tide, battled his own instincts to run and hide as fast as he could. Get away from her, bury these feelings so deep and so far that he'd never touch them again. Drown them in a bottle, nurse them in a cradle of blood and whiskey and despair and maybe a whore with blonde hair and pale skin and everything she wasn't...

"Mal...we...look at us! We fight and we clash and we hurt each other..._wuh de ma _Malcolm! _I _can't live with you without wanting to _kill _you!"

"_Ta ma de! _I'm gunna kiss you now and we'll talk after I'm good an' done" he snapped.

She didn't resist, didn't fight it. For all her reservations, all her fear, all her worry, she knew that she wouldn't resist his kiss and from the moment his lips touched hers they would brand her forever. She would be unable to run, unable to walk away. There was addiction now, craving.

They had shattered.


End file.
